Gaslighting is a term that gets thrown around a lot these days, but do you really know what it means? More importantly, would you be able to tell if someone was gaslighting you?
At its core, gaslighting is a tactic used to make someone question their own thoughts, feelings, memories, or perceptions, leaving the victim feeling confused, isolated, and unsure of themselves.
“Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that involves a person unconsciously using tactics to control another person,” explains psychologist and author, Dr Marny Lishman.
“It is a form of emotional abuse, and a person who is on the receiving end can feel dismissed, invalidated, confused, self-doubting and questioning their own perception of reality.”
Gaslighting often happens gradually, making it hard to notice at first. It can take many forms, from outright denial (“That never happened”) to subtle undermining (“You’re being too sensitive” or “You’re imagining things”). The goal is to erode your confidence and make you second-guess yourself, often giving the gaslighter more control in the process.
“It can start off quite subtly with the victim not realising they are being gaslit, but rather questioning themselves in how they think and feel on occasion. Over time as their confidence decreases, they start to question their own reality,” says Marny.
Signs someone is gaslighting you
Gaslighting can be tricky to spot, especially if it’s coming from someone you trust. Some common signs include:
- Feeling confused or questioning your memory after conversations
- Being told you’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting” when you express emotions
- Being made to feel like you’re the problem when you raise concerns
- A growing sense of self-doubt and reliance on the gaslighter for validation
- The person denying things they previously said or did
- Feeling anxious or walking on eggshells around them

Why would someone gaslight you?
Gaslighting is often about power and control. Some people do it intentionally to manipulate a situation to their advantage, while others may use it as a defence mechanism without fully realising the damage they’re causing. It can stem from deep-seated insecurities, a need for dominance, or even a learned behaviour from past relationships.
“For the perpetrator, it is often a defence mechanism for their ego either consciously or unconsciously,” says Marny.
What’s the difference between gaslighting and manipulation?
All gaslighting is manipulation, but not all manipulation is gaslighting. Manipulation can involve any tactic to influence or control a situation, whereas gaslighting specifically makes the victim question their reality. The key difference? Gaslighting is about making you doubt yourself rather than just pushing you toward a particular outcome.
“Manipulating is what people do to try and change someone’s behaviour, which many of us do to some degree every day, but it certainly doesn’t have to involve gaslighting,” explains Marny.
“Gaslighting is a form of manipulation, where someone is trying to change someone’s behaviour to control them, and involves lying and the dismissal of their emotions.”
Common situations when gaslighting happens
A partner may rewrite history, blame you for their behaviour, or make you doubt your own emotions, but gaslighting isn’t limited just to romantic relationships. Here are some other common situations when it might occur.
Friendships: A toxic friend might belittle your feelings, dismiss your concerns, or make you question your version of events.
Workplace: A boss or colleague might take credit for your ideas, deny giving instructions, or make you feel incompetent.
Medical settings: A doctor might dismiss your symptoms or make you feel like you’re imagining your health concerns (a phenomenon often called ‘medical gaslighting’, which is increasingly common among female patients).
Family dynamics: Parents, siblings, or extended family members may use gaslighting to maintain control or avoid accountability.

How to respond if you’re being gaslit
“Spend some time learning to trust your own emotions and realise that your feelings are 100 per cent true for you and that other people shouldn’t be telling you otherwise,” says Marny, adding that setting boundaries is key.
If you think you’re being gaslit, here’s how you can respond:
- Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.
- Keep records. Document conversations, texts, or emails so you have a reference if you start doubting yourself.
- Set boundaries. You don’t have to engage in endless arguments trying to prove your reality.
- Seek support. Talk to a trusted friend, psychologist, or support group to help validate your experiences.
- Stay calm. Gaslighters thrive on emotional reactions, so keeping your composure can help you regain control.
When to seek help for gaslighting
If gaslighting is affecting your mental health, self-esteem, or overall wellbeing, it’s important to seek help. A psychologist or counsellor can help you rebuild confidence, set boundaries, and navigate your way out of toxic situations. If you feel unsafe, reach out to a trusted person or organisation like 1800RESPECT for support.