The flights are booked, your bags are packed, and the out-of-office reply is on. In theory, the hard part is done. But as you sink into that first morning of holidays, coffee in hand and a free day ahead, your brain whirs into gear: Did I send that last email? Should I check in with the kids, just in case?
It’s a familiar scene because switching off can feel almost Herculean.
“For most of us, our work is so closely linked with our identity,” explains Paula Brough, Professor of Organisational Psychology and Director of the Centre for Work, Organisation and Wellbeing at Griffith University. “Suddenly being in a different context, losing that identity – you’re on the beach, for example, and it’s very egalitarian. You can’t tell who does or earns what. That loss of identity can be difficult.”
And then there’s habit. “You spend eight to 10 hours a day at work,” she adds. “To suddenly have that back, unstructured, can be difficult at first.”
This is why the start of a break can feel uncomfortable. After months of relentless go-mode, our bodies don’t yet believe it’s safe to slow down. The mind keeps scanning for deadlines, pings and spot fires to put out.
Psychologist Dr Tim Sharp, founder of The Happiness Institute, says our inability to relax is part biology, part conditioning.
“Research clearly shows that rest should not be considered a luxury; we should think of it as essential for emotional regulation, creativity, and long-term wellbeing,” he says. “When we’re rested, the brain’s default mode network activates, helping us process emotions and form meaning. Yet, we resist rest because our culture equates busyness with worth.”
It’s a cruel irony: we crave rest, but don’t trust it. We take our laptops ‘just in case’. We check emails from the pool lounge. We schedule sightseeing like a military operation.
“Many workers feel guilty for not being at work,” Professor Brough says. “That guilt is much higher when everyone else is still working. There’s also a fear of missing out on key decisions or not being involved – it’s tied to how important or irreplaceable you feel.”
Dr Sharp agrees that the guilt runs deep. “True productivity includes recovery, not just effort,” he says. “Rest isn’t about doing nothing – it’s what allows you to do your best work.”
If rest feels foreign, that’s because it probably is. “Relaxation is a skill,” Dr Sharp says. “Regular ‘micro-rest’ – mindful pauses, slow breathing, short walks – trains the body to relax more easily, even under stress.”
Mentally clocking off
In a world that celebrates hustle and ‘making the most’ of everything, even our holidays can become performance pieces. We cram our itineraries with activities, ticking them off like tasks.
Yet as Professor Brough points out, this can backfire. “It’s counterproductive. You come back exhausted,” she says. “It’s based on our personality – some people enjoy being busy and get accomplishment from completing tasks. Others prefer a complete break. Whatever activity you choose, it’s a break from your work. That’s the most important thing.”
Dr Sharp puts it another way: “Plan for presence, not performance. Deep enjoyment comes from mindfulness, not more activity. Try scheduling unscripted hours with no goals except noticing, wandering and feeling. Joy often hides in unplanned moments.”
Even if you’re the type who loves a colour-coded itinerary, try pencilling in some white space. It need not be major – a leisurely breakfast or going for a walk without your phone counts.
And if you catch yourself feeling restless, resist the urge to fill the hours. That awkward limbo – when you’re not quite relaxed but not yet productive – is your nervous system learning to unwind.
A case for quality, not quantity
So, what’s the ideal length of time to really switch off? “It depends on how quickly you can disengage from work,” says Professor Brough. “Typically, people need a couple of days, then at least a few days of complete break. Toward the end of the holiday, you start ramping back up, thinking about work again.”
For some, that means a series of mini breaks works best; for others, a proper two-week escape is the only way to reach that blissful middle zone. “It totally depends on the worker, their job, and how much their workplace can truly spare them,” Professor Brough adds.
Still, there’s a common thread: the benefits of downtime only kick in when we genuinely detach. Checking in might soothe anxiety in the short term, but it keeps your mind tethered to the office. “It’s important to have a complete break,” Professor Brough says.
On a cognitive level, the brain simply can’t sustain high performance without rest. “If you work all day and then stay up late catching up on emails, your work the next day suffers,” Professor Brough explains. “Your brain needs a recovery period.”
Physically, too, the body benefits from stepping away from chronic demands. “Stress is linked to the long-term, ongoing pressures of work,” she says. “To have a break, you need to stop those demands – both physically and psychologically.”
If you’ve previously found yourself lying awake the night before your flight, mentally cataloguing the tasks you forgot to do, you’ll know that switching off starts long before you go away.
“The preparation is really important,” Professor Brough says. “A few weeks before your holiday, start wrapping up immediate projects and blocking out that time in your calendar. Make people aware you’ll be away, set up your out-of-office, and check in with colleagues. You’re preparing them – but also yourself.”
Once away, resist the lure of the inbox. “Gradually taper off those check-ins,” she suggests. “Remind yourself, I’ve earned my holiday and I’m entitled to it. It’s your time with family or friends and that’s what life’s about.”
Surviving the post-break slump
Just when you finally start to unwind, the trip ends. Cue the ‘Sunday Scaries’ – that creeping dread of returning to real life. But there’s a psychological way to cushion the landing.
Dr Sharp suggests bringing home the habits of rest. “Morning coffee on the balcony, evening strolls, slower meals – even tiny cues can trigger calm,” he says. “Choose one simple ‘holiday habit’ to anchor your days.”
Professor Brough agrees. “Towards the end of your break, start preparing for the return to work,” she says. “Check a few emails, catch up with a colleague, so you’re not facing culture shock on your first day back.”
One of the biggest hurdles we come up against is the myth that relaxation must look a certain way. In reality, rest can mean many things.
“It doesn’t matter what you do,” Professor Brough says. “Activity of any kind in your leisure time is a good recovery from work. You can learn a new sport, paint your house, read a book, swim – as long as it’s something you choose and enjoy.”
The magic lies not in what you’re doing, but in the sense of agency and joy it brings. If you find yourself itching to be productive, that’s okay too.
“For people who feel anxious when they’re not being productive, try to reframe rest as active recovery – an investment, not a pause,” Dr Sharp says. “Ask yourself, what if rest is what allows me to do my best work? You’re not wasting time; you’re refilling the tank.”
Reap the rest rewards
Wind down early. Start tapering work tasks in the week before you go. Wrap up projects, delegate what you can, and let colleagues and anyone else who relies on you know that you’ll be offline.
Set boundaries. Write a clear out-of-office message and resist checking emails ‘just in case’. Every time you peek, your brain slips back into work mode.
Verbally cue the mental shift. Say it out loud: “I’m shifting into rest mode.” This simple cue helps the brain move from performance to presence.
Plan unscripted hours. Leave space in your itinerary for spontaneity – a wander, a nap, a long lunch that turns into dinner.
Bring home a ritual. When you’re back, keep one small habit from your holiday – morning coffee outside, a nightly walk, a 10-minute phone-free pause. It’s a tangible reminder that calm isn’t location-dependent.
This feature originally appeared in the January 2026 issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly. Subscribe so you never miss an issue.
