The world is experiencing a loneliness epidemic, especially for those in their midlife years.
Even in the biggest and busiest cities, people are feeling socially isolated. The World Health Organisation (WHO) says loneliness is “a pressing health threat”. It has launched the Commission on Social Connection to bring people together. The commission includes former US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy, who believes that, in terms of impacts on our health, loneliness is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
“Loneliness and isolation represent profound threats to our health and wellbeing,” he says.
This epidemic has also gripped Australian cities, suburbs and country communities.
Relationships Australia’s Relationship Indicators Report 2024 found that 5.1 million people often feel lonely. Similarly, Ending Loneliness Together, a network of organisations addressing the problem, says almost one in three people feel lonely. Furthermore, it says that young people (aged 18 to 24) and middle-aged people (aged 45 to 54) are most at risk.
The impacts of isolation
The physical and mental toll of loneliness is significant. It increases our risk of developing dementia by up to 50 per cent, says WHO. Loneliness can also increase our risk of early death by 25 per cent, the organisation says.
It raises the risk of stroke and cardiovascular disease by up to 30 per cent and significantly increases the odds of developing depression.
For middle-aged women, the impacts are even more severe, according to world-first research from the University of Sydney.
For the first time, researchers have established a causal link between loneliness and early mortality for women in midlife.
The research, based on data from more than 57,000 women, finds that middle-aged women who feel lonely for an extended period of time are three times more likely to die early than those who don’t feel lonely.
“Middle-aged women experience transitions at work and home. Kids are moving out, women may be retiring or experiencing menopause, and they’re busy,” says University of Sydney Associate Professor
Melody Ding.
“They’re looking after children, parents and careers, and that puts women in a lonely place, because they don’t have time to think about their own social needs.
They have friends – but when did they last connect with them? Humans are a social species, and loneliness creates ongoing, underlying stress that leads to damaging inflammation and health problems.”
Unexpected loneliness
When Roz Butterworth, 65, moved from Sydney to Melbourne with her husband, building new social connections wasn’t as easy as she’d expected.
“I’m not a shy person, but for the first time in my life, I felt lonely. I only knew my son and daughter-in-law.”
She looked online for opportunities to connect in her community and found Chatty Cafe. This initiative arranges informal, affordable gatherings at cafes, community centres, and neighbourhood houses
and libraries.
“I went to my first event at a local coffee shop and had a cup of tea and a biscuit, and then started going every week. I’ve made some close friends. We chat about each other’s lives, and we’re there for each other. I would have been very miserable without those friendships,” says Roz.
Chatty Cafe Australia was launched eight years ago by Glenys Reid, who, then aged 65, experienced loneliness after her working situation changed unexpectedly. For about 18 months, Glenys lost her sense of “purpose and joy”.
“During that time, I noticed people in cafes, many of them by themselves and using social props like a laptop, book or phone. They might be sitting next to another person who was also by themselves, but they didn’t reach out to each other,” says Glenys.
When she mentioned this to a friend in the UK, they told her about the Chatty Cafe meets across Britain. So, she launched the organisation in Australia. Most regulars are over the age of 50, about 75 per cent are women, and the meet-ups attract people from diverse cultures and backgrounds.
“People want a sense of belonging and to hear about what is happening in other people’s lives,” says Glenys. “Many of the women have had relationship breakdowns, or they’re in an empty nest and feel lost.”
“At midlife, many people have well-established lives, and if you suddenly lose a partner and become a single woman, your social group can forget about you because we live in a world for couples, not singles.”
Why are we so lonely?
Associate Professor Michelle Lim, Scientific Chair and CEO of Ending Loneliness Together, defines loneliness as “a distressing feeling when you feel your relationships do not meet your social needs”.
She says it’s not about the number of relationships you have, but the quality.
“Most people feel lonely at different points in life – it’s a universal experience. But issues arise when people are persistently lonely,” which is feeling lonely for at least eight weeks, she explains. “Unfortunately, we live in an environment where, once we become lonely, we’re staying lonely due to a multitude of factors. For example, today’s work culture means we don’t have enough time for family and friends, and many people don’t know their neighbours, so they don’t have a strong community around them.”
Nick Tebbey, National Executive Officer of Relationships Australia, which oversees the Neighbours Every Day campaign, agrees that increased busyness is leading to loneliness, and so is the disconnect created by an over-reliance on technological devices.
“Work gets more demanding, life gets more demanding, and certain touchpoints have an impact, such as going away to university, moving to a new town to start a new job, becoming a new parent, or going
through retirement or bereavement. These can all be trigger points for loneliness,” he says.
“Most recently, the cost-of-living crisis is also increasing feelings of stress and isolation for some.”
Finding friends
Sheriden Hackney, 31, moved from the Gold Coast to Melbourne as a confident woman working in hospitality. She was floored when she struggled to form new friendships.
“People had established friend groups, and it was hard to break into those circles,” she recalls. “They were friendly, but not necessarily open to new friendships, and I felt incredibly lonely, although I was surrounded by people.”
Sheriden joined friendship apps, but says that was exhausting and sometimes dispiriting. “I’d have conversations and then get ghosted,” she says.
So, she took matters into her own hands, running cooking classes for small groups in her home to reach out to potential new friends. That was the beginning of Conscious Connection, a network Sheriden founded that helps people meet like-minded friends through dinners, brunches and board game nights. Around 70 per cent of members are women, mostly aged 25 to 40.
When Brittany Symons, 33, returned to Australia after living in London for three years, many of her friends had moved interstate or overseas, or had partners and babies. Making new friends was challenging.
“My only social interactions were at work. I joined Pilates, but everybody did the class and left, and I realised the older you get, the harder it is to meet people,” says Brittany.
When her sister told her about Conscious Connection, Brittany joined a cooking evening at Sheriden’s home and then a dinner.
“I met my core group of friends at a dinner, and we bonded over Pilates, yoga, reading and travelling,” she recalls. “We formed a book club, and we catch up for brunch or to go to a show. Last year, five of us travelled together to Japan.
“You have to push yourself to meet new people, but it’s worth it. My life is so much richer.”
Let’s talk about it
Associate Professor Lim says we need to start talking about loneliness and remove the stigma. Ending Loneliness Together found that 31 per cent of people are ashamed of feeling lonely, and nearly one in two Australians are too embarrassed to admit feeling lonely.
“We need to change the way we talk about loneliness – people wrongly assume if they’re lonely, there’s something wrong with them. We need to talk about it in a healthy way,” she says.
Nick Tebbey says Neighbours Every Day encourages people to take small steps to start growing social connections. “Say hello and smile next time you see your neighbour,” says Nick. “Have a chat as you unload
groceries from the car. Pets are an amazing icebreaker, too, and can create connections when you’re walking in your neighbourhood.”
Associate Professor Ding says we need to elevate the status of loneliness, so it’s recognised as a major risk factor for chronic illness and early death.
“When people are stuck in the cycle of loneliness, stigma prevents them from expressing their experience, and it becomes a silent epidemic,” she explains.
“Individually, we need to be aware of this issue. If we feel isolated, we need to reach out to people. If we see other people at risk of loneliness, we should reach out to them.
“And we need to stop being afraid of rejection. If you invite someone for a coffee or lunch and they say no, don’t hyper-analyse that feedback. It’s not about you – that person is probably just busy. Don’t take ‘no’ personally. Reach out to someone else who’ll probably be grateful that you do.”
This article originally appeared in the November 2025 issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly. Subscribe so you never have to miss an issue.
