At a glance…
- Separation and divorce are emotionally overwhelming, but can also be financially devastating. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to secure your money in preparation for flying solo.
- Read on for our expert tips from the September issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.
Margaret Atwood said divorce is like an amputation: “You survive, but there’s less of you.” For women, this can be particularly true when it comes to money. Although they are more likely to initiate divorce in Australia, women are also far more likely to suffer financially from it, according to Australian Institute of Family Studies research. On average, divorcing couples call it quits after 13 years, and for many the financial reality of life after being in a long-term partnership can be confusing and overwhelming.
A key reason for this, according to family lawyer Cassandra Kalpaxis, is that it is “incredibly common” for husbands to control the family finances. Women frequently take on the role of the primary carer, and the husband remains the breadwinner and money manager. This happens to women of all ages.
“There is very much a vulnerability there associated with any age group,” Cassandra says. “When I start asking [clients] about their financial position, they can have no idea what that looks like, or even on some occasions where the money would be held.”
Cassandra wants women to know that, regardless of who did the earning, it is matrimonial money.
“I see people all the time who say, ‘But the home isn’t in my name, so it isn’t mine,’ or ‘The superannuation is in his name. I’m not entitled to it.’” This is not correct. Understanding your rights is crucial. Leaving a marriage can be a time of vulnerability, especially if one person is in control of the money, and that control can be harmful.”
“Someone may not be able to see the full picture of their finances, or may be made to feel they can’t manage money on their own,” adds CBA Group Customer Advocate Angela MacMillan.
In Australia, one in 30 women and one in 50 men are victims of financial abuse, but this form of control can be hard to recognise. “In many instances, victim-survivors may not realise that what they are experiencing is a form of abuse, and can remain trapped in an abusive relationship,” says Angela.
The Commonwealth Bank has created a ‘Recognise and Recover’ guide to help people who may not understand they have been financially abused.
“It can help people to recognise the signs and take a first safe step towards seeking support,” says Angela
First step
When leaving a marriage, be sure to understand your entitlements and obligations.
“It’s really important for women to know that whatever the wealth looks like, it’s there to be shared,” says Cassandra. “In order for one party to have worked many years and long hours, and one party to have been home raising children, there had to have been a sacrifice somewhere. That doesn’t mean that for the person who’s generated the wealth, it’s theirs.
The family accountant is obliged to give you your information.
“You’re entitled to know what the asset pool is made up of, and how income is generated and dispersed. So, they’re the questions that are really important to be asked at the start,” Cassandra says.
Speak to a lawyer
If you don’t have a family accountant and your partner is withholding information, your lawyer can step in.
“Obligations are owed under the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia rules, and those documents are required to be provided as part of disclosure obligations,” says Cassandra.
Open a new bank account in your name and seek financial advice. If you are expecting money as part of a settlement, they can help you utilise that effectively.
“Talk to a mortgage broker to work out what your borrowing capacity is,” Cassandra says.
While seeking financial support, consider speaking with a psychologist. Having a neutral support person can ensure financial decisions aren’t emotionally driven.
Vulnerable groups
Women who don’t have access to funds they can immediately draw on can be at risk of homelessness.
“There’s a myriad of vulnerabilities for women over 50 that put them at greater risk of homelessness,” says Cassandra. “They can have no superannuation, retirement plan or access to immediate funding.
“They’re in a system where it can take weeks to get access to money, so they are often couch surfing. Some of them live out of their cars. It is quite a dramatic situation for women who don’t get early intervention and don’t have a plan in place prior to leaving.”
For some, the question of staying in a marriage is a choice between safety and poverty.
“My next questions are, ‘Is it safe to leave the relationship? And if it is safe to do so, how is that plan going to be implemented?’” Cassandra says.
“Financial abuse … often emerges through subtle behaviours in the early stages of a relationship,” adds Angela. “Over time, those behaviours can develop into patterns of coercion and control, where a person’s independence and ability to make financial decisions is gradually eroded.”
In addition to the steps Cassandra outlines, CommBank recommends changing passwords and cancelling joint credit cards.
The flip side
If you have been the breadwinner in the partnership, you may have a whole different set of things to consider. In that case, Cassandra says, the question to ask is: What is my ex going to need to set themselves up for the future?
“It might be the case that the other partner is entitled to maintenance. They need to be able to sustain themselves for a short period of time to set themselves up again. So, they’re the sorts of things we start thinking of when those roles are reversed.”
Divorce rates in Australia are at an all-time low, with 2.1 divorces for every 1000 marriages in 2024, down from 3.4 in 2000. Couples are waiting longer to walk down the aisle, and moving in together first allows them to test-drive relationships. Despite this, sometimes things don’t work out. But with a little planning and the right advice, you can ensure the divorce won’t cost you an arm and a leg.
A checklist for your new life:
- Open your own bank account
- Change your PINs and passwords
- Close joint accounts and cancel joint credit cards
- Update super contributions and beneficiaries
- Update your will and life insurance
- Check your credit score
This article originally appeared in the September 2026 issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly. Subscribe so you never miss an issue.
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