For decades Jodi Gordon has enjoyed success in the spotlight, first as a model, then as an actress on Neighbours and Home and Away. She won the TV Week Logie Award for Most Popular New Talent in 2006, and married (then divorced) a rugby league star. But behind the scenes Jodi struggled with mental health issues and addiction. After several attempts, two years ago she successfully got sober and has gone public in the hope of inspiring others to get help and overcome similar problems. Now, on the cusp of turning 40 and a single mum, Jodi has a new career as a counsellor. Here she talks about the turning point in her life and the bond she shares with her biggest supporters, Mum Bronwyn and 10-year-old daughter Aleeia.
I’ve been in the public eye since I was a teenager, but no matter how well I did in life over the years – whether modelling, acting or personally – there was always a part of me that I had to hide. I’ve struggled with mental health and addiction issues most of my life, and tried rehab several times. Then, two years ago, something changed.
Alcoholism is in my family, so I’ve always struggled with it, on and off. From a very early age there were periods where I could see it was a problem and then I’d try to get myself together. The worst thing, though, is that it’s not so much the drinking, but what alcoholism does to your mind and mental health. The way it plays out in one’s life is really savage: Alcohol built me up, gave me confidence – or so I thought – and then tore me down.
I could feel like the most joyous person, filled with soul, positivity, optimism. And then I felt so worthless. I had nothing to give. I was physically depleted and couldn’t comprehend how to get through a day. All my self-worth had completely deteriorated. Emotionally, I felt completely bankrupt.
It’s really hard when you’re in this dark place and hope is nowhere to be found, but you know what the cause is. You need to marry the two and find a solution in the middle, or start working towards something.
I’ve been to five different rehabs over the past two decades. So it’s not like I decided to get sober and then did it. Sometimes it’s just one moment that makes it work. I’m really lucky that I had support during that time to get me into the right facility and then start treatment. That’s why I’m now really interested in working in the mental health space.
For me, getting sober – and staying that way – there’s so many other things involved in day to day life. It can be really disheartening when you can’t just stop drinking and then everything gets better. And I’m aware that I fell short before so I don’t take it lightly. It could be anything that would change my mental state – you don’t get the job or you don’t get the guy – and then I’d end up drinking again. Each time I tried to get sober or went to rehab I learned a little bit more. So it wasn’t all for nothing – there was a new lesson that I could store for when I wanted to try again.
All those experiences were really powerful, they’ll never be lost on me. They’re all in me. The good and the bad. They build up more and more.
The journey started for me after I stopped drinking – getting to know myself – understanding myself and how I work internally as well. I could smell the air. I could feel the breeze. I could see colour again. It was incredible.
My life has grown so much. And today I have really good problems. The things I’m grateful for now are the little things and moments of gratitude – like when I got out of rehab and was accepted by the netball mums. Or making cupcakes for Aleeia’s team and they turned out! It’s self-discovery on a whole different level. It’s like being a child again, but as an adult, and figuring out life and what my hopes, dreams and desires are.
Becoming a counsellor
I always loved acting and modelling, they’re fun and glamorous. But neither has felt like my purpose. And I’ve been looking for that for a long time. I feel sometimes like my life’s been this puzzle and I can actually combine it all and use it to a better purpose. The last six months before I got sober were such a strong motivator to becoming a counsellor, combining lived experience with theory.
I used to do ice baths at the beach at 5am, and at the end of my first year of being sober someone asked me: “What is it you really want to do?” And I said, “I’d like to go to uni and study, but I felt like I couldn’t do that because I never even finished year 10.” And then I got in the ice bath one morning and all of a sudden felt these forces – and I went home and applied. Two weeks later I was a uni student! So I studied alternative methods of releasing trauma, holistic methods mixed with science as well.
It’s funny how little steps lead to understanding yourself better. It’s a slow progression into feeling like I found purpose and direction, and it feels right. It’s exciting. I’m becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be. I’m evolving. The desire to keep growing as this person I am today exceeds any triggers I used to get. But I’m still a work in progress.
There’s peace between my ears now. And for someone who has a very active mind, that peace and emotional regulation is what I strive for today. I write, I meditate, I pray, I do yoga and I go to the beach. I’m connected to myself. That’s really important for me.
At uni I learned about the simple things to tick off each day to increase my dopamine levels: sleep, diet, water, exercise, education and connection.
For a good part of my life I overlooked the importance of connection. I didn’t put value on how much my day can change simply by doing something nice for someone or reaching out and asking if someone’s okay, or being of service in some way. All of that is a way of connecting and when we’re connecting with others, we’re helping to educate each other, we’re all getting out of our heads for a second. Often after I connect with someone I find a peace that comes into me.
I started working for Sane earlier this year. It’s my first corporate job! I’m a mental health support worker, I take calls and talk to people all day. I’ve learned so much about telehealth and advocacy work. I’m really interested in peer-support work, and anything around inner-child work, trauma and relationships.
I’m now in the second year of my counselling degree too and I’m really enjoying working in the mental health and awareness space. Eventually I’m planning to launch my own counselling business or digital platform.
There’s so much joy in seeing people find themselves again. It’s beautiful watching people get well and then want that more, seeing the lights come on because they’re alive again, spiritually. That’s something I’ve never experienced before. Now when I think about gratitude, it’s not the handbag, the car or the husband. It’s seeing others find internal joy and want more of it.
Losing my dad
I found out my father was dying a few weeks after I got out of rehab. He called me and said he was sick. I got to spend some amazing time with him up in Queensland, close to where we grew up. I learnt some lessons from him that helped me heal as well – and that especially was huge – having that unconditional love for a parent and to be there in his last moments, and just feel the joy of who he was as a person. It felt really spiritual. I feel him with me every single day in a really positive way. It’s a strange thing to share, but I feel like he gave me all these gifts before he left: hope, unconditional love and how we show up and give the best that we can with what we know. And we pass that on through every generation, and each person gets a little bit more. And Aleeia will do the same.
Reading the eulogy at his funeral, I realised so much of what I was remembering about Dad – his cheeky, naughty side – is who I am too. It was really nice to have all these special moments. He would have been very proud of me.
A cheer squad of two
I’ve been writing gratitude lists every night and I have since the day I got sober in April, 2022. And the common denominator in every single thing I’m grateful for is my mum and Aleeia. They have been my biggest supporters. To have a cheerleading squad of two behind me in everything I do, knowing what I put them through, is amazing.
Because of my history, there’s always been a real anxiety around whether I’ll stay stopped this time. It’s not intentional, but it’s always there. Everyone worries. But being honest with Mum and Aleeia has helped.
Aleeia has seen my emotional disturbance when I’m fighting for something that I can’t get. She now knows I don’t drink. She knows Mummy is allergic to alcohol, and that I get help most days for it and have an amazing community who all help each other. I think helping her to understand the changes I make on a daily basis, and her seeing me change, makes the fear dissipate a little bit.
Aleeia is very wise – there’s a little 40-year-old woman in her! She has a great awareness around what not drinking means, and how important it is for me. She knows how much Mummy has changed, and what that means to have a deeper love, deeper trust, deeper connection and stability – and joy!
My mum is one of the strongest women I know. She can be firm but she’s also the sweetest woman on earth. She believes in me in a way no one else does. And she keeps it so real with me too, and I respond well to that. Our relationship as the three of us has evolved on a much deeper level as a result of going through tough times. Supporting each other and believing in each other.
Turning 40
I’ll be 40 next February. I’m an anxious, nervous person and I think I’m like that because I feel I’ve had something to hide my whole life … I’ve always had skeletons in the closet. So that promotes a fear in me that I’m used to living with. And it’s nice that’s not there anymore.
I think I now have internal peace or joy. I feel empowered for owning my story, being accountable and changing my narrative. There’s a part of me that believed there was a better life for me other than wanting to isolate, depression, anxiety, and not knowing how to live. Like bad relationships. But I always had hope. You know there’s another life out there for you, you’ve just got to want it.
Show some support
If you have a loved one struggling with addiction or mental health issues, it can be tough to navigate, especially if they don’t believe they need or want help. Diane Young, Addiction and Trauma Specialist at South Pacific Private, explains how to approach the conversation.
Show empathy and understanding
Listen without judgment and let them know you care and are there for them. Talk about your concerns calmly and clearly, and avoid being confrontational or accusatory. Acknowledge their struggles and try not to interrupt. Offer a non-judgemental space where they can open up about their experiences and feelings.
Encourage professional help
Suggest they see a therapist, join a support group or explore a stay at a facility such as South Pacific Private, Australia’s leading treatment centre for addiction, trauma and mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety. Offer to help them find the right services, but do not navigate this on your own. Be patient, as recovery can be a long and often complex journey.
Set appropriate boundaries
Witnessing a loved one’s addiction or mental health issue can be confusing and overwhelming, and supporting them can be a difficult, lonely experience. Set limits to avoid enabling their behaviour and find a friend, family member or healthcare professional to confide in. Support systems need support too. Visit southpacificprivate.com.au