The 2024 TV Week Logie Awards certainly kicked off with a bang!
After successfully hosting last year’s Logies, Sam Pang returned this year and delivered a seriously hilarious opening monologue.
It started with a cold open with Australian comedian’s Glenn Robbins and Kitty Flanagan with Sam preparing for the evening.
In his opening monologue, Sam Pang set the tone for the night with a mix of humour, satire, and sharp observations about the Australian television industry. He began by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the land and then launched into a self-deprecating commentary on his return to the stage after last year’s reviews. Pang took playful jabs at major networks, including Channel 7’s legal issues and Channel 10’s financial struggles, while sparing Channel 9 with a sarcastic “all good, no notes.”
He humorously acknowledged the presence of television legends like Ray Meagher and Denise Scott, as well as the diverse range of shows nominated this year, from Boy Swallows Universe to Bluey. Pang also made light of reality TV, poking fun at shows like Married At First Sight and The Voice.
He rounded off his monologue by introducing the Gold Logie nominees with witty remarks, highlighting the industry’s blend of seasoned veterans and rising stars. Pang’s monologue was a blend of respect, humour, and satire, setting the stage for a night celebrating Australian television.
You can read the whole transcript below…
Sam Pang’s opening monologue from the 2024 Logies:
“Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Australian television’s night of nights, the 64th annual TV Week Logies Awards. I would like to acknowledge the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation, the traditional custodians of this land and pay my respect to elders both past and present. And I extends that to all first nations people here today. So I’m back and it’s an honour to return as your guide for the evening. I’m not actually officially hosting for the second time – last year’s ceremony just hadn’t finished.
“And there’s no guarantee that I would return, especially after some of the reviews last year. The ‘Sydney Morning Herald’ said I delivered a stellar performance. The ‘Herald Sun’ said I had a
sensational Monologu and charmed a nation. And Sky News said stop immigration – Asians are taking our jobs!”
“But we’re here tonight to celebrate the Australian television industry and it’s fair to say that the major networks have all found themselves in the news this year. Firstly,
Channel 7, well, I’m just letting you all know I’m going to say whatever I want tonight. I stand before you safe in the knowledge that whatever I say, this network will defend me in court.
“And with their Impeccable record in… defamation cases over the last 12 months I reckon I’ll be fine. Full disclosure – I’m not getting paid by Channel Seven tonight. Instead, for the next 12 months, they’re paying my rent. Which is handy as they’ll know what address to send the Thai masseuse to. It’s been a tough 12 months for Channel Ten, although they did bring back ‘Deal Or No
Deal’ hosted by Grant Denyer, a show where contestants get to open a briefcase and try to guess how much money the network is losing each week…
“When it comes to Channel 9…all good, no notes. Carry on.
“Now, for the viewers at home, this room is jam-packed with the biggest stars in Australian television, none bigger than Gold Logie winner and legends of Australian TV, Ray Meagher, who I’d like to point out celebrated his 80th birthday this year, ladies and gentlemen.
“I love you, mate. Big night for you, Ray, just sitting there nervously, waiting to see if you’re included in the In Memoriam package. Just keep your fluids up, mate, the next couple of hours…
“Next couple of hours are critical, Ray, OK. I’d also like to pay tribute to the first lady of comedy in this country, the star of ‘Mother And Son’, the amazing Denise Scott. She’s here tonight. Scotty, you were so funny on that show, you know I love you and I know that the last 12 months have been particularly tough. Having to work with Matt Okine. But good luck. Tonight we celebrate the best of Australian television and what an outstanding year it’s been. ‘Boy Swallows Universe’, a record 10 nominations.
“‘Deadloch’, ‘The Newsreader’, upt upt, ‘Fisk’ — ‘Utopia’, ‘The Lost Flowers Of Alice Hart’, ‘Bay Of Fires’, ‘Strife’ and ‘Bluey’, what a year it has been everyone. A big congratulations to Nine Network who’ve just brought us two spectacular weeks of Olympic sport from Paris. And I’d like to acknowledge our youngest-ever gold medallist, 14-year-old skateboarder Arisa Trew.
“Now, as a rewards, her parents promised her a pet duck. Meanwhile, RayGun’s parents have promised to get her breakdancing lessons.
“Reality shows continue to thrive. One of the biggest shows sees contestants thrown together, isolated and willingly eating testicles and sometimes anus. That’s right, ‘Married At First Sight’ continues to go from strength to strength…The Voice is nominated for Best Entertainment Program and they’re changing it up this season. Joining Guy Sebastian are two new superstar coaches – Adam Lambert, who you’d know from Queen, and LeAnn Rimes, who you’d know from Googling, “Who is LeAnn Rimes?”
“Hopefully you all saw ‘Hot Potato: The Story of the Wiggles’, which is nominated for Best Documentary. An honest, unflinching and no holds barred look into the writing process of such lyrics as “toot toot, chugga, chugga, big red car”, filled with stories and scandal, we learned a lot. We found out how Jeff slept his way to the top. and we discovered how The Wiggles broke down barriers by showing the world that not all Asians are hard working and industrious.
“Now, in terms of star power, have a listen to these nominees. Bryan Brown, Rachel Griffiths, Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce, Simon Baker and Sigourney Weaver – all nominated tonight. All nominated in the category, “Oh look, there’s a Hollywood Writes Strike on”.
“The incredible Sigourney Weaver, hey, nominated for ‘The Lost Flowers Of Alice Hart’. Now, unfortunately, Sigourney is not here tonight. She’s in hospital after running into Peter Costello at the airport. Now, the big prize of the night is the Gold Logie and you may recall last year the Gold Logie was presented by Australian television royalty Daryl Somers who playfully attempted to auction off the Gold statue to the 7 nominees. Now, we won’t be doing that again this year..simply because last year it started as a live auction but it finished as a silent auction.
“But here are the big seven of Australian television this year. The incomparable Asher Keddie. Wonderful in ‘The Lost Flowers Of Alice Hart’ and strife strifr — ‘Strife’. Of course, Sonia Kruger, last year’s winner and nominated again this year. Sonia, you win tonight, we’re all looking forward tonight, we’re all looking forward to your speech. At least I know I’m not going to lie, things aren’t great between me and Sonia. Earlier this year I had to get the lawyers involved. Two words for you – “Baby Reindeer”.
“I’m not sure why you’re allowed to sit this close to me, Sonia. Now, Tony Armstrong, host of three shows on the ABC. If he wins tonight, Tony would become the second person of colour to win Gold. I would like to point out if Robert Irwin wince — wins tonight, he would become the first person in khaki to win Gold. That one was just for me. People are saying, by the way, the Tony won tonight, it would be a People are saying, by the way, the Cinderella story. And it would be. Tony won tonight, it would be a If Cinderella was a handsome, Cinderella story. And it would be. charming, talented heart-throb who If Cinderella was a handsome, played professional football. And a charming, talented heart-throb who played professional football. And a man.
“Good luck tonight, Tony. By the way, this is what an audience looks like, good luck tonight, Tony. By the way, this is what an audience looks like, mate. mate. Julia Morris is nominated again for Gold. Julia Morris is nominated again for Gold. this funny, talented woman has been nominated several times for the Gold this funny, talented woman has been Logie. That’s worded quite nicely. I nominated several times for the Gold must remember to use that again next Logie. That’s worded quite nicely. I year, Julia. must remember to use that again next year, Julia. Andy Lee is nominated for Gold for the first time since 2012!
“Andy Lee is nominated for Gold for the first time since 2012! Now, this man truly has everything. Host of ‘The Hundred’ on Channel 9, Now, this man truly has everything. best-selling author, has a hit Host of ‘The Hundred’ on Channel 9, podcast, renovating his dream home, best-selling author, has a hit he’s funny, handsome and cards on podcast, renovating his dream home, the table, he’s a good friend of he’s funny, handsome and cards on mine. I was so happy when I saw the table, he’s a good friend of Andy’s name was on the nominations mine. I was so happy when I saw but at the same time I was a little Andy’s name was on the nominations bit sad because I didn’t know that but at the same time I was a little Hamish had died. bit sad because I didn’t know that Hamish had died.
“Larry Emdur nominated for Gold and it’s about time! Larry Emdur nominated for Gold and it’s about time! A win for Larry tonight would be a fitting reward for over 30 years in A win for Larry tonight would be a television. As host of ‘The Chase’ fitting reward for over 30 years in and ‘The Morning Show’, Larry television. As host of ‘The Chase’ has incredible connection with and ‘The Morning Show’, Larry viewers trapped in nursing homes, has incredible connection with hospital waiting rooms and the viewers trapped in nursing homes, long-term unemployed. hospital waiting rooms and the long-term unemployed. They’re your people, Larry. Finally, Robert Irwin is nominated tonight.
“A win for Robert would be a fitting rewards for his long, hard eight months in the industry. This year Robert replaced Dr Chris Brown as co-host of ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here’ and identification like e- — I’d like to point out they’re very different people. For starter’s, Robert tries to save animals. Now… ..before we get to the first award of the evening, I’d like to take ..before we get to the first award this opportunity to sincerely thank of the evening, I’d like to take everyone here at the Seven Network this opportunity to sincerely thank for having me back and for making me everyone here at the Seven Network feel so welcome. Although, I will for having me back and for making me point out to security that Dr Chris feel so welcome. Although, I will Brown has just climbed that roof point out to security that Dr Chris over there with a rifle. Brown has just climbed that roof over there with a rifle.
“We’re going to have a fantastic night tonight! Are you ready?!?”
Watch the TV Week Logie Awards on Channel 7 or 7plus.
