We all have one.
That person who somehow makes life a little harder – the colleague who creates constant drama, the relative who leaves you feeling drained or the friend who always seems to bring stress along with them.
Most of us already know these relationships aren’t exactly good for our wellbeing. But new research suggests they may be doing more than ruining your day – they could actually be speeding up how quickly you age.
The hidden cost of difficult people
In a study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers examined how difficult social relationships influence our health.
“In everyday life, many individuals routinely encounter people who create problems or make life more difficult – who we refer to as hasslers,” the study authors said.
Because these people are often part of our everyday lives – think family members, colleagues or people we interact with regularly – we tend to put up with them. But the researchers say their long-term health impact has received little attention.
They may actually be ageing you faster
The study found that people with more “hasslers” in their lives tended to have a higher biological age than their actual age.
According to the researchers, each additional difficult person was linked to a 1.5 per cent increase in the pace of ageing, which is roughly equal to nine months of extra biological age.
Even after accounting for other stressors, including job pressures, financial strain and childhood experiences, negative relationships still stood out.
Not all difficult relationships are the same
Not every “hassler” had the same effect.
Family members and friends who caused stress showed what researchers described as “detrimental associations” with health, but difficult spouses did not show the same link.
Researchers suggest this may be because marriages often include a mix of support, obligation and shared life circumstances, while other relationships can feel emotionally important but harder to step away from.
“Ties characterised by obligation, shared space or structural interdependence – such as parents, children, coworkers or roommates – are more likely to be hasslers,” the researchers noted.
Why it matters for your health
Ageing faster wasn’t the only impact. People with difficult relationships in their life were also more likely to report poorer mental and physical health, including depression, anxiety and a higher body mass index.
“These findings together highlight the critical role of negative social ties in biological aging as chronic stressors,” the researchers added.
However, they emphasised that the study found an association, not direct cause and effect. In other words, difficult relationships are linked to faster ageing but they are not the sole reason it occurs.
Still, the message is clear: the people we surround ourselves with matter deeply to our health and wellbeing.
It’s a good reminder to invest your time and energy in the relationships that make you laugh, feel supported and bring a sense of calm to your life.
