Good friends come with benefits – a growing body of evidence shows strong friendships are good for our long-term health. Researchers at the University of Queensland found women who have quality relationships in their 40s and 50s – including friendships – are less likely to later develop multiple chronic conditions such as diabetes, hypertension, depression and stroke.
So how can we nurture and maintain the friendships we have by being a better friend? We asked some experts how you can improve your friendship factor.
1. Connect and be curious
Unintentionally, we can take friends for granted when we get caught up in the busyness of life. Days, weeks and even months can pass without sharing some deep and meaningful communication. But we need to be mindful of consistently checking in.
“A good friend makes an effort and makes time. You don’t have to see each other face-to-face as often – but you might send a text, share a funny photo or video, or call them while you’re walking the dog,” states Atara Lebransky, Director of The Social Domain, on the clinic’s website. “Small touchpoints let friends know we are thinking about them and that they’re important.”
When you do catch up, avoid making up for lost time by reeling off a checklist of every little thing that has happened in the intervening weeks. Instead, ask your friend about their life right now, if they’re facing any challenges, and how they feel.
“A great friend is curious. They ask questions about what is going on in the other person’s life,” says Simi Rayat, psychologist and author of Productivity Joy. “Good friends already know about the day-to-day details of what’s happening in each other’s lives, so when you catch up, go a little deeper.”
2. Provide a safe space
When a friend is in strife, it’s natural to want to “fix” their situation. But sometimes that person just needs a safe space where they can talk honestly and know they are heard.
“You don’t have to find a solution – just giving them your full attention, being their sounding board and reassuring them that you are present can lift a weight,” states Atara.
“You can feed back to them what they are telling you by acknowledging how hard this or that situation must be for them, because that lets a friend know you are genuinely hearing what they are saying.”
If they ask for advice, you can offer ideas, but simply being present shows friends they are valued.
3. Be their champion
A good friend doesn’t compete. Instead, they champion their friends when they experience something positive – even if, for you, that good news stirs some feelings of sadness, loss, wishful thinking or even envy.
“When a friend shares some good news, you may be at a point in your life when you aren’t experiencing such happy events and that can cause conflicted feelings,” says Simi.
“Champion their happiness. Share the highs and celebrate in the moment with them, because when you have something to celebrate, you’ll want your friends to be on that journey with you.
“But in a separate conversation, once you’ve had a chance to process your feelings, you can be honest with a friend and let them know that while you’re truly happy for them, you wish you had similar good things happening in your life, too. Being vulnerable shows that you feel safe in the friendship to be able to share what’s going on for you, too.”
4. Call out misunderstandings sooner rather than later
Any long-term friendship will weather misunderstandings. Being honest and telling a friend when they’ve hurt you, or being willing to listen and to say sorry when you mess up, is key for a friendship to thrive and survive.
And by calling out hurt feelings quickly, there will be no time for bad feelings to fester and eat away at the relationship.
“You are going to put your foot in it at some point and hurt a friend or vice versa,” says Dr Hannah Korrel, a clinical neuropsychologist at Sydney Neuropsych. “In good friendships, you can be honest and discuss what has happened so neither person makes the same mistake again and nobody harbours resentment.”
5. Expect something back
Being a good friend doesn’t discount you from expecting something from the friendship, too. Reciprocity is a sign of a strong and respectful friendship, says Hannah.
So, if you’re a friend who is always on call when needed, it’s fair to expect that your friends will return the favour when you issue a cry for help.
“We’ve put on a pedestal the idea that a good friend always gives and asks for nothing in return. Stop doing that!” says Hannah. “There has to be some form of reciprocity, because if it’s one-directional in terms of time, energy and effort, you’ll walk away from an interaction with that person feeling worse. You need to set boundaries with that person who doesn’t reciprocate, otherwise it’s not going to be a great friendship.”
6. Have patience
Even close friendships can ebb and flow according to what is happening in a person’s life.
“Friends can be like orbiting planets – at different stages of life you move closer or further apart,” says Hannah. “At times there will be less communication and contact, and at times that may feel difficult.
“Be patient. If a friend is missing in action for a while, give them the benefit of the doubt, because one day you may have less time for them and need them to show that patience.”
This feature was originally published in the October 2026 issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly. Subscribe so you never miss an issue.
