The festive season is a special time of year. The pace of life slows down, and you’re able to catch up with family and friends you don’t always have the opportunity to see.
A 2025 YouGov study reported that 80 per cent of Australians with a loved one over the age of 70 wish they could visit them more regularly. So, what better time than the festive period to carve out time to visit or check in with any elderly loved ones?
You’ve finally gotten the opportunity to visit your older relatives – what do you do if you notice they’re starting to decline? The YouGov research also found that keeping them independent and living at home is what 95 per cent of Australians want for their loved ones, but that can come with concern and uncertainty.
Before you have the difficult conversation, let us share with you what to look out for and how to check in with your loved ones.
The ‘warning’ signs
Identifying the ‘warning signs’ in your elderly relatives can be difficult, especially when you don’t know what to look out for.
There are some easier-to-spot factors such as a decline in mobility, an increased need to rest, forgetfulness and a drop in hygiene standards. What you might not spot as easily is a decline in mental wellbeing, increased moodiness, or their life admin not being managed as well — things such as house cleanliness, an overgrown garden, and unpaid bills.
The next step, if they meet any of the above ‘warning signs’, is to see if they are willing to open up and discuss any difficulties they may be having. The key is honest, open and gentle communication.
How to have the aged care ‘talk’
Mable, in collaboration with Clinical Psychologist Melissa Levi, has curated a guide to having the aged care ‘talk’ with your loved ones. Because 92 per cent of Australians believe it’s important to proactively plan for aged care needs.
Levi outlines key ways to start the conversation, keeping in mind that there is no right answer. Just show them love, care and respect for their wishes.
1. The Gentle Noticer approach: If you suspect your older relatives may be a bit more sensitive or defensive towards the conversation, this may be the best approach. It works because it’s a slow and gentle way to open the door to the conversation, showing care rather than criticism. Here you simply share what you’ve noticed, not what you’ve decided.
2. The Team Player approach: If you’re a family that’s comfortable with being involved in one another’s health care, this is the best approach for you. It works by keeping your parents’ own health and independence goals front and centre, with you as a partner in the decision-making process.
3. The Worried-but-Loving Child approach: If your parents respond to your emotional honesty, try this approach. At the end of the day, they’re still your parents and seeing your genuine emotions towards their situation could help them see the logic behind it.
4 The Practical Helper approach: Have your parents always been planners? This approach may be the best way to broach the topic by presenting concrete actions and plans rather than emotion. Frame the conversation as a smart, proactive choice, not a loss of control.
Even when you go into these conversations with a plan (and maybe a box of tissues), it’s best to also have a few phrases at hand to keep the conversation on track and ideally as guilt-free as possible.
Levi suggests using phrases such as “I’m asking because I care”, “we can figure this out together,” and, importantly, “we don’t have to sort everything out today. Let’s just start the conversation.”
Supporting actions after the conversation
It’s important to recognise that you may still need to convince your parents once you’ve had the conversation. Phrases such as “Let’s make life easier” or “Let’s have a trial run” might work. But if they need extrinsic motivation, try “Your doctor recommended it” or even involve yourself, saying it’s “For us, not just for you”.
Once you’ve gotten your parents on board, start by getting them small help around the home. Mable’s platform, where you can connect with thousands of independent support workers to find the right fit for your loved one, is the perfect place to begin. Not only will you feel confident in your parents’ independence, but you’ll also have peace of mind knowing that the person you choose from Mable is verified and can help with your parents’ needs.
With Mable, you can get services right away by paying privately, or your parents can use their government-funded support package. Giving your parents the control and independence they need to continue living their lives at home.
Please note that all statistics have been provided via a 2025 YouGov Christmas Check-in study, brought to you by Mable.
The largest online support platform connecting people looking for disability or aged care support with local independent support workers.
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