Loss is a universal – albeit uncomfortable – experience that all of us will go through at one point or another. Grief is the natural response to loss, and although we’ll all experience it, it can be incredibly complex and deeply personal nonetheless. One of the most widely accepted understandings of grief categorises the process into five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Known as the Five Stages of Grief, this theory was introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969. The journey through these stages is not always linear, but it is a useless as you navigate through loss and grief.
Denial
Denial the first reaction after experiencing grief, this is typically because your body has gone into immediate shock. When something major happens, you can feel an overwhelming sense of disbelief or emotional numbness as your mind begins to process the reality of what’s just happened. You’ll catch yourself saying things like, “This can’t be happening,” or feeling detached from your emotions. This is normal, it’s your body’s way of allowing you to slowly digest the reality of the situation and begin the grieving process at your own pace.
Anger
After denial, the reality of your grief will begin to settle in which is followed by feelings of anger. During this time, feelings of frustration, helplessness and resentment will bubble up. Your anger might be self inflicted, towards the person you’re grieving or others. This part of the grieving process can feel overwhelming but it’s integral to healing. Feeling your feelings and externalising your anger (both good and bad) can help you process things.
Bargaining
After anger, you’ll experience the stage known as bargaining. This stage sees people experience desperation to change their loss. Thoughts such as, “If only I had done something differently,” or “How can I fix this.” When we experience loss, it’s typically out of our control, so bargaining is an attempt to regain control when things feel out of your hands.
Depression
Depression is perhaps one of the most recognisable stages of grief. By the time this stage rolls around, the full weight of the loss settles in. Feelings of deep sadness, emptiness or loneliness are extremely common in this stage. It can see you retreat from socialising and activities you once enjoyed. It’s perhaps most important to remember that unlike clinical depression, an onset from depression from grief is only temporary. Though it doesn’t feel like it, you will bounce back.
Acceptance
Acceptance is the final stage of grief, but that doesn’t mean being “okay” with the loss either. It simply means that you’ve reached a place where you’ve begun to find peace with your loss. People often describe this part of the grieving process as the ‘emotional fog’ lifting and beginning to work through what life looks like without that person. Grief never fully goes away, but the acceptance stage is the first step in re-adjusting to your new normal.
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