Content warning: This article touches on the topic of domestic violence which may be triggering for some readers.
If you’ve been watching this year’s Married at First Sight (MAFS), you’ll know that in a recent episode, participant Paul Antoine admitted to punching a wall.
The whole incident happened off-camera, but the 30-year-old told producers that he became very angry and upset after his ‘bride’, Carina Mirabile, told an anecdote about a previous sexual encounter, and this ultimately led to the alleged punch.
When Paul and Carina came face to face with the MAFS experts – John Aiken, Mel Schilling and Alessandra Rampolla – at last week’s Commitment Ceremony, he was rightfully held to account.
“This is toxic, inappropriate and unacceptable behaviour,” John said.
“It does not matter what [Carina] said … It does not matter how disrespected you felt,” Alessandra echoed.
“You do not punch walls. You do not punch doors. Period. Full stop. That intimidates.”
Mel added, “Paul, there’s work to be done in terms of your emotional regulation, and that’s what we would like to help you with. So, we are going to provide some services, with strategies to help you de-escalate to ensure that you don’t ever let yourself do this again.”
Carina confirmed during the March 2 episode of Joshua Fox’s MAFS Funny podcast that after filming for this Commitment Ceremony wrapped, Paul was banned from drinking alcohol and had to attend therapy every Saturday morning for the rest of the season.
She went on to say that she was given plenty of help, the producers ‘did their job’, and “at the end of the day, I felt safe.”
But despite Carina feeling “safe,” NSW Police are now investigating the incident.
“The matter has been referred to officers from South Sydney Police Area Command, who have commenced an investigation,” they confirmed in a statement on February 28.
“As the investigation is current, police will not be making any further comment in relation to the matter.”
Considering that punching walls can be a precursor to physical violence, and that, according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, 1 in 4 Australian women have experienced violence from an intimate partner, it’s nice to see that this incident was and is being taken seriously.
However, what’s concerning is that other MAFS participants are getting away with other questionable behaviour.
Multiple viewers have voiced on social media that they believe Adrian Araouzou is emotionally abusing his ‘bride’ Awhina Rutene.
If you’re not up to date, or have missed a few MAFS episodes, we’ll quickly summarise Adrian and Awhina’s up-and-down relationship thus far.
Their wedding ceremony became awkward when Adrian made a joke about kids, not knowing that Awhina has a son.
Then on the honeymoon, Awhina became very upset when Adrian said he doesn’t know whether he can love Awhina’s son as much as his own hypothetical kids.
The couple patched things up though after these two tiffs.
But everything fell apart when Adrian seemingly left the experiment after not being chosen to be in a MAFS promotional video.
“I’m pissed off that I’m not in the promo, it’s disrespectful… I’m not coming back until they get me in the promo,” he told Awhina when she called him and asked if he was coming back.
Surprisingly, Adrian did come back though. He arrived at that week’s dinner party rather aloof, and didn’t apologise once to Awhina.
Matters were made worse when it was revealed during this same dinner party that Adrian went to dinner with Sireah (another ‘bride’ from this season) while he had ‘left’ the experiment.
Awhina refused to stay in the same apartment as Adrian and asked to ‘leave’ at that week’s Commitment Ceremony after this all transpired.
But, as per MAFS rules, she couldn’t leave as Adrian wanted to ‘stay.’
This led to Adrian and Awhina having to participate in a ‘family lunch’ with Adrian’s sisters, Elita and Nikola, and friend, Jasmine, and Awhina’s twin sister, Cleo.
During this lunch, Elita, Nikola and Jasmine asked how things were going, and Awhina was honest; she said things weren’t going well.
Elita, Nikola and Jasmine immediately became defensive and asked her to give an example of why things weren’t going well.
And so, Awhina said that the MAFS intruders (who joined the experiment late) have asked more questions about her son than Adrian has.
Adrian retorted that he purposefully had not been asking her about her son, because she’d told him on their honeymoon that she would open up about him when she’s ready.
Awhina replied she had brought him up in conversation recently, to which Jasmine snarkily said, “You would hope so.”
Ultimately, this comment led to a screaming match between Elita, Nikola, Jasmine and Cleo.
It’s important to note that just after this episode aired, Jasmine publicly apologised to Awhina and Cleo, writing on Instagram:
“I take full responsibility for my actions and the things I say during that interaction. It is not at all the best version of myself…”
Jasmine also revealed that she and Adrian are no longer friends and alleged that he ‘manipulated’ her.
“The manipulation tactics are copy and paste. Hence why I ended the friendship… This is not at all an excuse. I am sorry for all the things I say and Awhina you have my support in this all.”
We digress.
Flashforward to that week’s dinner party, Adrian arrived first and told the other participants that Cleo yelled at his sisters and friend.
But when Awhina arrived, he asked her not to tell the other participants what had happened at their family lunch.
Then, during that week’s Commitment Ceremony, he asked Awhina multiple times not to tell the experts what happened at their family lunch.
When Alessandro Rampolla finally did ask what happened, Adrian said it didn’t go well but wouldn’t go into more detail as it’d be “disrespectful” to talk about it.
Awhina didn’t say anything at all, as Adrian really didn’t let her get a word in.
MAFS participant Dave spoke up at this point and told Adrian, “Let her speak and say how she really feels.”
John Aiken then cut in and asked Awhina what she liked about Adrian. She struggled to come up with an answer but ultimately said she likes how Adrian sometimes looks at her.
She then chose to stay.
And in the few episodes since then, Awhina and Adrian have been living together in the same apartment and Awhina told the experts at the latest Commitment Ceremony – which aired on March 9 – that she and Adrian were in a “great place.”
Awhina also admitted that they’d started having intercourse again.
However, this hasn’t stopped viewers from voicing their concerns about Adrian and Ahwina online.
One viewer wrote on X (formerly known as Twitter) on March 9, “This roller-coaster situation with Awhina and Adrian genuinely needs to be shown in classes that teach about the power of coercive control and its effect on victims. It’s a literal (albeit sad) masterclass.”
Another viewer Tweeted on March 5, “This whole ‘omg we’re so happy cos [sic] we f**ked’ storyline between Adrian & Awhina is making me feel sick. What Australia witnessed over the past few weeks was not ok.”
Furthermore, media personality Abbie Chatfield took to Instagram on both March 2 and March 3 to condemn Adrian, calling him an “abuser.”
She also criticised the experts.
“Did any of you think that John was going to do a whole tough love thing and try to get Awhina to admit that she actually doesn’t like Adrian so they [the experts] can say, ‘Okay, we think you should leave,’? Instead, he decided to just bully [Awhina] into complimenting her abuser… Revolting,” Abbie said in one post.
“The experts are accomplices in abuse,” she said in the other.
And the comments section of this post was full of MAFS viewers echoing Abbie’s opinions and voicing their own outrage.
“What Adrian is doing is coercive control, I felt sick [watching],” one comment read.
“What makes me wild is that producers and experts are not holding Adrian to account the same way as Paul. However, Adrian’s actions and behaviour have been just as bad, if not worse as they are ongoing. Why don’t they see emotional DV [domestic violence] the same way as physical DV?!,” read another.
The Weekly decided to consult several experts to get professional insight into whether Adrian is emotionally abusing Awhina and whether coercive control is at play.
Isiah McKimmie, Couples Therapist and Sexologist, can definitely see some red flags when it comes to Adrian.
“I’m really concerned with Adrian’s behaviour and the dynamic with Awhina,” Isaiah told us.
“I think it’s really important to note here that there’s also a bigger issue that also involves the experts who are in a position of power with Awhina and are enabling these behaviours from Adrian,” she added.
We asked Isiah to outline what behaviours are particularly troubling.
“What we’re seeing from Adrian is that he’s constantly talking over his partner, dismissing and diminishing what she’s saying, commenting that ‘we don’t need to hear from her’, allowing his family and friends to attack her, shifting blame onto her,” she replied.
“Unfortunately, we’re also hearing him say things like ‘I really do care,’ and it’s this up and down, back and forward behaviour that can really destabilise a victim and hang in there with hope that it will get better.
“Particularly concerning to me was when his partner bore the brunt of his hurt ego when he wasn’t included in the promo shoot. This really echoes patterns that we see in domestic violence situations – a partner being blamed for external events or even the violent partner’s own actions. As an example, in Australia, we see a significant surge in DV during AFL and NRL grand final weekends.”
Similarly, Cassandra Kalpaxis, Collaborative Family Lawyer and Director of Kalpaxis Legal, and Domestic Violence Advocate, listed several things Adrian has done this season that could be considered as abuse.
“Disrespectful remarks about parenthood and not taking any interest in her son. Using friends and family to degrade Awhina’s feelings. Questionable commitment and transparency. [Using] threats as a tool to ‘prove commitment.’ Engagement with another ‘wife.’ Dismissive response to constructive criticism.”
When we asked Cassandra to elaborate on using ‘threats as a tool’, she said:
“After his sister and friend met Awhina and Chloe, Adrian stated that he was now going to make sure he stayed until the end to ‘prove’ his commitment, despite her saying she didn’t want to stay anymore. This indicates that Adrian may use emotional manipulation tactics as a tool to make victims feel guilty, leading them to staying in these relationships.”
This comment is particularly enlightening considering that at last week’s Commitment Ceremony, Awhina chose to stay even though she couldn’t succinctly answer John Aiken when he asked her what she likes about Adrian.
Dr Maria-Elena Lukeides, Clinical Psychologist, echoed both Isiah and Cassandra, and said Adrian and Awhina’s relationship is a “cause for concern.”
“People are calling out Adrian for what they see as coercive control behaviours towards Awhina. It’s pretty intense stuff – we’re talking about him trying to control what she says to the experts, seemingly silencing her in conversations, and manipulating how their relationship issues are presented,” Maria-Elena told us.
“Viewers noticed Awhina looking uncomfortable and like she needed Adrian’s permission to speak freely. There was this awkward moment where she struggled to say why she liked him, which raised some red flags. It’s gotten so serious that some folks are even filing complaints with the network and ACMA, worried that the show might be enabling abusive behaviour.
“Of course, we’re seeing edited footage, but it’s definitely sparked a big conversation about relationship dynamics on reality TV. It’s a bit of a yikes situation all around and a cause for concern, if you ask me.”
Interestingly, Rachael Scharrer, separation strategist, divorce expert and life change Counsellor, disagreed with Isiah, Cassandra, and Maria-Elena.
“With regards to Adrian and Awhina, I feel that it’s too early to label their relationship as coercive, especially when viewers see a severely edited version of the events,” she told us.
But Rachael did admit that Adrian and Awhina don’t seem suited for one another.
“While on the topic of Adrian, I feel that he is an emotionally immature individual who doesn’t have regard for the pressures of single parenting, which Ahwina has… Ahwina, being a significantly more empathetic and caring individual as evidenced in her line of work as well as being a mother, is potentially more susceptible to manipulation,” Rachael said.
“Out of desperation for a functional relationship, Ahwina appears to be overlooking the ‘red flags’ that she has experienced and that her sister saw when she decided to write ‘stay’ last Sunday,” she continued.
“It would be interesting to see how Adrian and Ahwina manage outside of the MAFS bubble when they have bills to pay, a child to pick up from school, oversee homework, make the dinner and lunches and ensure the washing and cleaning is done. Will Adrian be able to rise to the challenge? Will Adrian grow up and accept a child that isn’t his own? Or will it be here that the Petri dish of abuse will grow?”
So, despite the show now presenting the couple as in a ‘good place,’ it seems safe to say that Adrian’s past treatment of Ahwina was, to put it as lightly as possible, substandard.
Should the MAFS experts and producers still step in?
“I believe programs like MAFS have an incredible opportunity here to educate the public on what unhealthy patterns are and to demonstrate clear ways to deal with this – that of course go beyond ‘you’re on notice,’” Isiah affirmed.
“While the show somewhat addressed physical aggression from Paul, it was completely inadequate. It also forms part of the problem. Physical violence is often where abuse gets attention.
“But many abusive relationships never experience physical violence. We see manipulation, coercion, undermining, belittling, and humiliation – all of which we’ve seen in this season. And yet, much of it has been glossed over, downplayed, or outright ignored.”
Cassandra agreed.
“There is no excuse for the producers and experts not stepping in as soon as they see the behaviour,” she said.
“I think if anything, this situation demonstrates the lack of understanding that people – including the experts – have about coercive control, otherwise it would not have been publicised on mainstream TV.”
And Maria-Elena highlighted that the participants aren’t the only ones affected by what’s unfolding on our screens.
“Reality TV shows like MAFS absolutely have a responsibility to screen for abusive behaviours before casting. It’s not just about protecting the participants – it’s about the message they’re sending to viewers, especially younger ones,” Maria-Elena said.
“These shows have a huge influence, and they shouldn’t be giving a platform to potentially harmful behaviours. As for when producers should step in, I’d say as soon as they spot any red flags. We’re not talking about harmless drama here – this is serious stuff that can cause real psychological harm.
“They shouldn’t wait for things to escalate just for the sake of ratings. It’s tricky because some of these behaviours can be subtle, which is why having experts on set who can recognise signs of abuse is crucial.”
If you or someone you know has been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, help is always available. Call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit their website.
