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It’s no secret that we’re facing a global crisis of men’s violence against women and their children. According to a recent report by UN Women and UNODC, 140 women and girls die every day at the hands of an intimate partner or family member. This means that one woman or girl is killed every 10 minutes in the world, and it’s reported that one woman is killed every four days in Australia.
Let that sink in for a minute (or 10).
Then consider that most domestic and family violence incidents occur within a context of coercive control. As the New South Wales Domestic Violence Death Review Team revealed, in 97 per cent of intimate partner domestic violence homicide cases between 2019 and 2021 in NSW, the victim had experienced coercive and controlling behaviours before being killed.
Coercive control is when someone uses a pattern of abusive behaviours over time that hurt, humiliate, isolate, frighten, or threaten another person in order to control or dominate them. It can include a combination of physical and non-physical forms of violence, including sexual violence. In a nutshell, it’s a strong precursor of intimate partner homicide.
While coercive control will be a criminal offence in Queensland from 26 May 2025, it’s important for us to educate ourselves. Understanding the subtle signs, patterns of abuse and impacts of coercive control is crucial in offering support to those affected and helping to prevent future harm. The more we know, the better we can protect ourselves and those around us.
Notice the early warning signs
Coercive control often starts subtly before escalating into something more dangerous. Behaviours that may be positioned as loving or that seem like genuine care, which may be rationalised or explained away, can quickly turn into isolation and control, a diminished sense of self and lack of agency and independence, and possibly physical violence and harm.
Knowing what to look out for yourself, or when to step in, could make all the difference, which is why awareness matters—not just for those experiencing abuse, but for friends and family who may be able to spot the signs. Coercive control may involve a pattern of different types of abuse, including:
- Isolation – Restricting contact with friends, family or work colleagues.
- Financial control – Limiting access to money, preventing employment or controlling spending.
- Monitoring and surveillance – Tracking locations and activities, phone use or social media.
- Emotional manipulation – Gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or making them doubt their own reality and experiences.
- Threats and intimidation – Using fear and threatening behaviour to maintain control, even without acts of physical violence. This may be threats to you, children, a loved one or pet.
Offer practical support
If you notice signs that could be coercive control in someone’s relationship, start by offering a safe space to talk. Gently express your concerns, listen without pressure, and remind them that support is available. It’s important not to push them into action, but to let them know they’re not alone and there are pathways to safety. Respect their wishes and decision making and let them know you are there for them.
Encourage them to seek help from trusted friends, family, or professionals. Share resources such as Need To Know and offer practical support (if safe to do so). Your support could be the first step toward them considering their options and reclaiming their independence. However, your safety matters too, and you should never put yourself in danger or do anything that doesn’t feel safe, or appropriate, for you.
Set standards for young people
Learning to set boundaries, communicate openly, and recognise mutual respect early on helps young people build healthy relationships. Matt Purcell, founder of Social Kung Fu, an organisation dedicated to teaching young people social skills, believes that raising awareness and understanding of different forms of abuse is key to breaking the cycle of domestic and family violence.
“Education about the full spectrum of domestic and family violence can help dismantle harmful gender stereotypes that perpetuate abusive behaviours. It’s about shifting from a culture of silence to one of empowerment and changing mindsets to view relationships as partnerships rooted in compassion and equality,” Purcell says.
“Young people need to know that they have allies, trusted adults, friends and family who are there to support them, who believe in their right to be safe. For someone experiencing domestic and family violence, even just knowing they have a safe place to turn is important.”
Understand the new legislation
Under new Queensland laws—which commence on 26 May 2025—it will be illegal for an adult 18+ to use abusive behaviours towards their current, or former, intimate partner, family member, or informal (unpaid) carer with the intention to control or coerce them.
Queensland is the second state in Australia to criminalise coercive control, after New South Wales passed legislation in 2022. While children, those less than 18-years old, cannot be charged under these laws, they can still be both perpetrators and victim-survivors of this form of abuse, highlighting the need for awareness, early intervention and primary prevention.
Whether it’s seeking advice, finding a safe place, or accessing support, knowing where to turn is the first step. Resources such as qld.gov.au/needtoknow offer guidance on recognising domestic, family and sexual violence, information about legislation, and pathways to support.
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